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Friday, March 31, 2017

Judges 3:7-4

First up is Othniel from Judah.  He's related to earlier great guy Caleb.  He delivered the Israelites out of 8 years of bondage and into 40 years of piece.

Next Ehud from Benjamin.  He delivered the Israelites from 18 years of bondage at the hands of the Moabite king aided by Amorites and Amelekites.  This stories contains lots of yucks about  this super fatty of a Moabite king.  After Ehud killed him and subjugated the Moabites, there were 80 years of piece.

Shamgar kills 600 Philistines, which is pretty good, but no more details than that.

Then we get to some seriously cold hearted shit.  The Israelites were oppressed for 20 years by Jabin, a king of Canaan and his General Sisera.  ao, Deborah, who hold court in Ephraim under the Palms of Deborah.  She enlists Barak who is Nephtali to raise a 10,000 men between his crew and the Zebulun folks to rid themselves of these 900-iron-chariot having mother fuckers.  Thing is, Deborah figures out theses chariots are for shit in the mud, so she tells Barak to lure them into the Wadi Kishon.  They beat the army, but the general escapes.  He runs to his girl Jael, who is a Kenite--but what he doesn't know is that these Kenites go all the way back to the father-in-law of Moses.  So, while he's sleeping she drives a fricking tent stake into his temple.  She find Barak and basically says, "Hey baby, I left you a present inside of my tent."

Tomorrow we do the musical version of Deborah.

Here's where today's warlords are from (PS, can "Barack's Army" become a thing?):

click to enlarge.

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